I think my muse is cheating on me;

Oops, yeah, I started slacking again on my LJ. I'm having a random thought day and just need to put it down somewhere.

I love and adore Dru with all my heart, but there are two guys in my life that I've known longer than him (just friends, never progressed past the flirting stage because someone was always taken) that I genuinely love as well and miss the closeness that we used to have, just as the flirty friends. The connection is still there, but we never talk as much as we used to. Life, I guess.

College is stupid. Well, let me rephrase. College general requirements are stupid. Who in the HELL needs to know how to graph a slope unless you're an engineer.  My math class is driving me insane because I don't get the last few lessons and the teacher is treating me like I'm in high school. I'M PAYING to be there. BACK OFF if I need to miss that one class today day because my fish Demo (whom I dearly love) almost died this morning and I had to figure out what to do and why he was floating on his side still breathing. BACK OFF if I'm terribly ill, out for a week, even have the doctor sign off on it, and you make me take a test the day I return when I haven't been in class and have no idea what's going on. It's BULL that some of these teachers are so overbearing about things. Hey, I miss a day, I'll make it up. Whatever. She's hounding me like a high school library widow. I'm so irritated right now I don't even want to return to class at all. It's such a total waste of time, math.

Grumpy today.

I love my damn fish.

I haven't left the house since Wednesday, and mostly have tottled between the couch and the bed. I've got the flu, or something flu-like as an all night vomiting incident was had. I don't know why I can't get better. I NEED to get better. I missed a lot of school (there was none on Monday for the holiday) and have assignments that are starting to be due as of tomorrow (that one for online submission) that I haven't started nor have a clue about how to do them. My teachers have been so unhelpful about this, not responding to my emails or sending three word replies (seriously, "read chpater two" was all she said for the assignment that is due Monday). I'm so run down and out of energy I feel completely lost and hopeless. :( I've finally been able to keep food down, but I still don't have an appetite. This whole ordeal is just making me emotional, I'd swear I was having serious PMS if I hadn't just started my pills again this week.

I guess there were 14 people hospitalized in Weber County with this really bad flu strain. Dru called me a petrie dish.

Well, last night was fun. I'm exhausted.

Dru went night snowboarding and I wasn't expecting him home until after 10. But around 8 I got a phone call and he told me he was going to come home. Short convo, he sounded fine. When he walked in the door he didn't look very good and told me he hit his head. So I took his gear and started running him a warm bath to get warmed up. There was no swelling or any broken skin. Then he told me he was having blurry vision and couldn't remember getting off the mountain or the phonecall he answered when his friend was driving them down. So I started telling him some things about school and when I mentioned his teachers name, because she had emailed him, he asked me who that was. So I called his mom, told him what was going on, and she said we should go to the ER. FUN!

So his parents came over, I got him dressed, and off we went. We weren't in Triage very long before they brought us back into the ER, but we waited for a while in ER before anyone came to take him away (although his really helpful male nurse, who liked watching Firefly!, told us a lot about what could happen if this or this happened). He had two CAT scans and it was now around midnight before the doctor came back to tell us everything looked fine, but that he shouldn't have any direct activity for a few days and no heavy activity for a week. We got a note excusing him from school and work (because his work is a real pain about this stuff), and came home.

I haven't been able to talk to him this morning about how he's feeling or what he remembers, but neither of us have gone to classes to say the least and he's still sleeping. What a night.

I feel the need to officially post my possible dissapearance (and take a break from math assignment).

I honestly can't believe how much stress I feel on day two. I've NEVER felt this overwhelmed in a semester. Maybe it has something to do with the terrible weather we're having (trapped in snow). Either way, if things don't calm down my online presence is probably going to die off. :( I just don't want anyone to get offended or upset if I don't respond to something they feel is worth responding too. Chances are, I haven't seen it.

My five classes this semester: Math, Finance, Sociology, History, and Computer something or other. The computer one will ironically be the easiest. Sigh.

What was I thinking, taking five courses on top of having a job every afternoon? Day one and I'm already stressed out! Way too much course work this semester to enjoy anything in the evenings, I fear.

So much for hoping to make friends this semester! And finishing the story that I started over the break. No wonder it takes authors years to finish their first book.

To those of you who have a washer and dryer in your homes/apartments, I say this:

LOVE IT.

I spent $10 today doing laundry. And had to carry it back and forth across the apartment complex parking lot. In the snow. In sandals and gym shorts because everything was dirty.

I try to put off doing laundry as long as possible because it costs $1 per wash load and $.75 per dryer load. Typically we spend about $5 every time we do wash. I would gladly spend a thousand dollars today if I could get them into this place, but it doesn't have hookups. It's just SUCH a pain because I can't just throw something in the wash if it gets dirty and I hate washing things that need to be washed separately on their own. Inconvenience. :(

So Dru and I are sitting down tonight to enjoy the new flatscreen and home theater system for the first time. Well, as much as we can because the speakers don't seem to be working correctly. :( We get the surround sound on movies but not for the TV function. And I REALLY don't like that. They're both Samsung and according to the manuals I've done everything right in terms of setting them up, but the function of having the TV sound come out through the surround sound speakers and not the TV speaker doesn't work.

*pout*

The over the phone conversations with Best Buy and Geek Squad were completely unhelpful. In fact Geek Squad wants to charge me the same price I paid for the system to come out and "set it up." I already set it up! Just something isn't working.

I don't know what to do. I love it. I just want it to work for the money I paid. Might try to go back to Best Buy tomorrow and see if the same sales rep is there and talk to him.

HAPPY 2009!
Don't resolve to be better at something, just be you.

At 1:20 in the morning, I'm not quite sure what a good subject would be. I'm completely exhausted but have the urge to journal a bit.

Firstly, the Benjamin Button movie is bloody fantastic. It's slow and long in some parts, but the ending will bring you to tears. Or maybe just me. And Dru. :)

Christmas was the emotional train wreck I expected however still seemed to take me by surprise. I'm thinking this will be the last time I go down for any holiday with the "family." Too many strangers, not enough joy. And lots of nostalgia (not just by me).

My house is a disaster from the mess it was before I left to the extra clutter of things I brought home. I really couldn't be bothered to clean today, was still feeling like an emotional mess (on top of having not really eaten or slept much while away). Poor Dru had to suffer through my being somewhat bi-polar in behavior, but soldiered on well. We ended up spending the day together (he blew off friends and snowboarding for me, which for Dru is a big move), had a fantastic dinner out and movie. Feeling better about him and me, hopefully things will continue on.

I got a letter from Weber State hoping it was my spring semester check but it turned out to be some surprisingly good news. One of my professors has recommended me for the Honors Program and they were writing to let me know about that and asking me to contact them for further information on the program. From what I gather, aside from it being "an honor" to be in the program, there's a lot of scholarships that go out to honors students. That would be a massive help to me right now as I have the fear of little to no financial aid being available for fall 09. I'll contact them on Monday and see what happens.

I think if I have the time tomorrow, I'm going to go back through my old entries and start deleting things.

I think just about everyone I know on LJ is having drama issues right now, including myself. As such, I don't really feel like whining about my own. But I do want to offer *hugs* and Merry Christmas to my friends. I'm leaving today for my own "holiday"  that I don't want to be going on. So here's hoping that you and yours are well, stay well, and keep things happy in your homes.

Not sure why I feel like doing this, especially since I need to start getting ready for work after being off sick for two days. And I haven't posted a real entry yet, heh.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Probably the tv/internet bill because the internet is about 50/50. I'll hate my school loan once that goes into effect.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I honestly have no idea. Dru hasn't taken me out and paid in a really long time.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Fourth of July last year. I don't like getting that drunk.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Heh, never.

5. Name of your year one teacher?
Mrs. Jensen

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Settling in for another lazy day on the couch with my macbook.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I think either a teacher or a zoo keeper.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
Two so far.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it's comfortable.

10. Petrol prices?
Are down now ($1.39) but they'll be up again in six months. Just watch.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
A beach with internet. A private beach with a big umbrella so I could be warm. With internet. And I'd probably want to be alone, at least I do right now.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I don't think, I just auto slap and grumble.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I was grumpy and angry.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Comfortable. I'm boring. At least they make comfortable with design now.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
*shrug*

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Dishes and laundry.

17. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
Yes.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Not sure.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Fall asleep?

21. Have you found real love yet?
I guess so.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
Every day for the last year.

23. Favorite 80’s movie?
Hm. Can't Buy Me Love? Mannequin?

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey

25. What do you get every time you go into Sam’s Club? Or Walmart?
I don't think I get one thing every time.

26. Beach or lake?
Lake

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No and I think it should be for anyone who wishes to pursue it.

28. How many people do you stalk on Facebook?
Stalk? None. Although I do poke Jean a lot because I never see him.

Don't have time for the rest, so delete they go.

I can't find the ones of his surgery (this is about a month old, I think). I'll look for them later. Have to study, start on my paper, and haven't had a really good day. :( The bus had an accident and I had to walk eight blocks home in the snow because Dru wasn't home.

Edit: Found one. For some reason, they're not fitting though. :(  My little Gagers is such a trooper. :(

Today was probably the worst day for me to decide to jump back on LJ after a 9 month hiatus.  I'm overloaded in finals work, distracted by my shiny new MacBook, and upset about deciding to move on from some people whom have been in my life for a while. And I'm hungry on top of all that! lol I'm working on my math final preparation for the exam tomorrow and not even half way done yet. Haven't started studying for the other final I'm going to take tomorrow as well. After work tomorrow I need to study for the last test and have my ten page paper (that I haven't started) finished by Wednesday. *big sigh*

I really don't know if the eight people I have friended still look at this, but the short summary of what's happened since March: I became a first time aunt over the summer to a precious boy with down syndrome who just had heart surgery, I switched universities and moved to another town.

I'm going to start paying attention to this thing again as much as I can, but with everything else not related directly to school and Dru, it's going to take a back seat until all my finals work is done. I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic for old online friends in replacement of not having made any since I moved.

It's been 9 months or so since I posted. Wow. I almost forgot about this thing. Not sure why I decided to look it up and see if the account was still active. Maybe I'll spend some time on this thing if anyone out there is still looking, lol.

Has anyone else heard about this? I'm a little afraid to sign in. :S

Quick, does anyone know how to stop time?!

I'm in a birthday-standoff with my mother, whom has yet to ask me anything regarding my birthday (what I want, if I want a cake and family ordeal, etc), which is tomorrow. I've resolved myself not to say anything to her about it and just see what happens. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she forgets or doesn't get me anything. I'm the child that doesn't exist anymore. Which makes turning 27 that much worse.

I did get a bunch of cards on Saturday from my two uncles and Dru's parents (who sent a Chili's gift card, yay!). So I don't feel totally alienated.

Oh well. Off to do homework while I fret about Dru driving back in the snowstorm from Ogden today. :S

As with the eventual, my email is starting to annoy me with the spam. So I've decided to get a gmail account and start using that for personal stuff and let the other one rot with school and other such things. Will be sending out the new address probably tomorrow after I get home from school (am at Dru's tonight and don't have access to my contact list). If you don't get the email and want my email, let me know.

So tired. Two tests to study for.

Currently packing for my six days up north. I feel so wound up right now. I really hope a couple days away will relax me. After not seeing Dru for almost two weeks I would hate to be grumpy or edgy around him.

So, bai bai for now.

P.S. I Love You is an AMAZING movie. I demand everyone go see it. Even you men. If Gerard Butler (King Leonidas in 300) is manly enough to be in it, you're manly enough to go watch it. Take your girlfriend/wife.

If you do not cry while watching this movie, you have no soul.